So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
