She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
