i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
