Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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