She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
