I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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