North Korea, Best Korea!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
