Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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