I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
