I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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