are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
