Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
