sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
