No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
