well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
