just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
