Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
