y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
