why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
