I like to think it a success when the cops are called
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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