Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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