Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
