she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
