Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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