I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
