but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
