I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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