We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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