ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
