Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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