my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
