she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
