I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
