Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
