Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
