Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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