Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
We had sex on a dog bed..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
