they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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