Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
