so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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