What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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