i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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