Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
