The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
