So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
