You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just invented taco cereal.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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