It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
