Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
