i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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