She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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