I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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