I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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