Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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