Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
