So drunk its hurt
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
