I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
